


What Makes a Man?

by montes-carpatus (Carpathyah)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Existential Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpathyah/pseuds/montes-carpatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> <em>The older man was already up and about putting on some fresh clothes and later filling the coffee machine with fresh grounds for the one that was still sleeping soundly in the bed. He wouldn’t be around to taste the warm liquid but it was the least he could do for walking out on him at such an early hour.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	What Makes a Man?

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song: What Makes a Man? by City & Colour

The sun rose in the horizon, lighting the room with a warm white light. The older man was already up and about putting on some fresh clothes and later filling the coffee machine with fresh grounds for the one that was still sleeping soundly in the bed. He wouldn’t be around to taste the warm liquid but it was the least he could do for walking out on him at such an early hour.

He didn’t sleep, his mind was too chaotic to even close his eyes. The scent of recent lovemaking was still present on the sheets as he thought about regrets and consequences. He watched the younger man’s naked back as he slept soundly next to him. He reached out to touch the unruly curls of his and he smiled when he thought that his hair expressed his personality well; unpredictable yet, soft and touchable. He pulled back when thoughts of soiling him and taking away remaining innocence filled his conscious. He tried to push them away but they filled his mind like rising flood waters.

_I’m sorry._

_I have to sort this out._

_I’ll be back._

He threw his backpack over his shoulder and slowly unlocked the door. He left the note on the counter, under a coffee cup with a picture of where he was going and that his cell phone was on if there was an emergency. He pulled his sweater closer to him, as the usual warm Austin weather had become colder, hinting at the winter weather creeping in sooner than expected. He didn’t bother with his car and untied his bike from the side of the house.

He travelled down the road where orange and brown leaves began to pile up in the cracks and lawns. It wasn’t cold enough to be wearing gloves but he figured he would shove a pair in his backpack anyways. His legs worked at the pedals, boosting up his heart rate as the crisp wind stung his beardless cheeks and ruffled up his hair.

The train station wasn’t that far away, yet, his hands were numb due to grabbing onto the handlebars so tightly that it left imprints. The train station wasn’t busy, it was midmorning and it was cold outside, leaving people to get to work by car or taxi instead. He counted the money in his worn out leather wallet. He smiled at when his curly haired temper trap told him to get a new wallet before it fell apart and he shook him off, telling him it was still brand new. Yet, he saw the worn out seams and the holes in it.

He bought his ticket, knowing well that he would have to buy a ticket coming back. It sent him shivers up his spine knowing that he’ll be going somewhere he hasn’t been in a decade. He stepped onto the dock and hoped to take a seat on a nearby bench to relax his aching knees from the bike ride. His thoughts once again went sour, as he looked at his hands. They were red and showed visible signs of aging. His veins were more evident and the skin was thinner than it was five years ago. He took good care of his skin but he couldn’t fight his age. He was hitting his mid-thirties no matter how hard he tried to deny it mentally.

He boarded the train and made sure he got a window seat to look at the mixture of cityscape and trees that passed. The train was warm and he was happy that he decided on it. The trip would be a few hours and he estimated that he would arrive there by the evening. He wouldn’t be there for long, he just wanted to do one thing and then go back home.

He dropped his school bag to the obvious empty seat beside him and took out his notebook and a pen.

_Dear Michael,_

_Please, forgive me for what I have done to you or to whatever I will do to you in the future. I never meant or mean to hurt you. I’m coming home._

_Love, Geoff._

He was holding the pen so tight that the plastic hexagon shaped exterior left the shape in his fingertips. His left hand having a light coating of ink on the side from running it across as he wrote. The letters weren’t perfect and it expressed his unclear thoughts and confusion. The warm sun lowered in the sky as he meditated by the window, his eyes never leaving the scenery. His mind drifting to a near comatose state, leaving his body to numb in his seat and his heart rate to slow down a considerable amount.

He was jerked violently from his sleep when he heard his stop on the intercom leaving him to scramble to shove everything back in his backpack and rush to get off the train. The air was different, less humid but just as cold as Austin during the winter. He walked the nostalgic path only half an hour away from the train station. The closer to he got to his destination, the heavier his heart became and his legs begged to sit down but he forced himself to walk and promised he would sit again once he got there.

The water was lower than he remembered it. He had to walk on top on smooth pebbles and seaweed to get to the shore. He looked around, and saw that the trees have grown since he was last there and the grass seemed to be higher and thicker. His body ached to sit down and he found the large rock he would sit on ten years ago. He dropped his backpack next to him and took out the note and the pen. It could’ve been the cold or could’ve been an overwhelm of an emotions but he found himself wiping the tears from his eyes on his sweater sleeves. He took the pen in his fingers and started to scribble.

_I fucked Gavin six months ago. It was an accident. I’m fucking stupid._

_I thought I fell out of love with you. I’m sorry for those nights I didn’t come home. When I lied and said I stayed at the office to finish editing. I did stay at the office, for another reason on the sofa._

_I don’t want to ruin you._

_I don’t want to ruin this._

_I’m going to come home tonight and love you. Like I always had._

The tears blurred his vision and stung his eyes as he stopped writing.  The note had tear stains, causing the ink to smudge and run down.  He covered his mouth as he cried thinking about Michael’s reaction if he ever gave him the note. He wasn’t one to take cheating lightly and would storm out of the house in a fit of rage with all his belongings and run to someone better than him. He crumpled the note in his fist and chucked the pen into the water. He searched his backpack for a lighter. He pulled it out and clicked it, hoping there was some fluid left.

“C’mon, fuck,” he cursed under his breath. His finger was raw and cold once he got the flame going and placed it under the paper, watching it catch on fire. As he felt the flame get closer to his pointer and thumb, he let it go into the wind. The sun was setting lower than the horizon and he calmed himself down to go back to the train station. He fumbled with his wallet at the ticket counter and hoped that the train came soon. The stars began to shine in the sky when the train came.

He pulled his sweater close to him as he sat down and hid his hands in the sleeves.He wanted to sleep but he couldn’t. Leaving his mind to race around in circles until it was too tired to even function properly. He arrived at the station in Austin in the early hours of the Sunday morning. He didn’t bother with his bike and called a cab. He fumbled with his keys as he unlocked the front door and pushed his way inside. He expected Michael to be asleep but there was a light on in the bedroom. He threw his backpack on the floor and kicked off his shoes before almost jogging to the light.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he could choke out as he saw Michael sitting up in bed without his glasses on. He looked like he had forced himself to stay away until he came home.  Geoff crawled into the bed and collapsed on Michael’s lap. He waited to be pushed off and yelled at but he wasn’t. Instead, Michael had looped his arms around his head and comforted him.

That’s when Geoff’s heart no longer felt heavy, for he had finally understood his feelings. He had longed for someone to keep him steady, to silently forgive him without knowing the truth. It was selfish, of course, and he knew he had to win back Michael’s trust. He knew he didn’t know about his adultery and could only tell that Michael was happy to have him back home. He knew he was a coward, a liar and a cheater but he had to show Michael his good side to keep him around.

“Don’t leave me again like that,” Michael mumbled, running his hands through his thinning black hair.

“I won’t, I promise you,”. Geoff assured him, knowing he was telling the truth this time.


End file.
